一是抽烟，二是喝酒。我先给大家介绍一下我爸爸的“爱好”之一——抽烟。
Oneissmoking,theotherisdrinking.Letmeintroducetoyouoneofmyfather's"hobbies"-smoking.
我的爸爸有两大“爱好”。
Myfatherhastwo"hobbies".
“咳，咳，咳”！屋里乌烟瘴气，比《西游记》里太上老君炼丹炉的烟雾还要浓得多。要是世界上举行吸烟比赛，我爸爸一定是冠军。而我就是冠军的儿子，嘻嘻，那可真是“光宗耀祖”（好像偏题了）啊！爸爸的烟量超过他的饭量。以前爸爸是一口一口地抽烟，如今还是那样一一口的抽，只是一口抽一支罢了。他的牙齿以前是洁白如玉，现在是漆黑如炭。而我和妈妈是视烟如毒的人。理所当然地强烈反对爸爸抽烟。经过几次“统一战线”，对爸爸开展了猛烈的“反击战”，终于取得了决定性胜利——爸爸戒烟了。可是……风云突变，刚过十四小时二十分零八秒，爸爸经不起“白沙”（一种好烟）的诱惑，还是点起了火！
"Cough,cough,cough"!Thehouseisfullofmiasma,whichismuchthickerthanthesmokefromthealchemyfurnaceoftheemperortaishanglaojuninjourneytotheWest.Ifthereisasmokingcompetitionintheworld,myfathermustbethechampion.AndI'mthechampion'sson,heehee,that'sreally"glory"(seemstobeofftopic)ah!Dadhasmorecigarettesthanheeats.Dadusedtosmokeonemouthfulatatime,butnowhestillsmokesonemouthfulatatime,justonemouthfulatatime.Histeethusedtobeaswhiteasjade,butnowtheyareasblackascharcoal.AndmymotherandIarepeoplewhoseesmokeaspoison.Ofcourse,Istronglyopposedad'ssmoking.Afterseveral"UnitedFront"battles,helaunchedafierce"counterattack"againsthisfatherandfinallywonadecisivevictory-hequitsmoking.But...Suddenly,justafter14hours,20minutesand8seconds,dadcouldn'tstandthetemptationof"whitesand"(akindofgoodsmoke),buthelitthefire!
接下来我给大家介绍我爸爸的爱好之二——喝酒。
Next,I'dliketointroducemyfather'shobbytwo-drinking.
“喝，喝，喝”，屋子里充满了酒拳声，声浪一波比波高，赛过菜市的闹声。如果世界上又举行喝酒比赛，说实话我爸爸是默默无闻的。而他那股劲儿，可真是令人佩服呀！在酒席上，人们都听他的。他说划拳开始，没有人不说“好好好”的。好像他在喝酒上称得“酒王”了。那你错了。他是喝五杯吐五杯，喝七杯吐八杯。什么？你问我还有一杯怎么的？啊！那是胃水呀！我爸爸喝酒明明不行，却硬要逞强。最后，弄了个酒糟鼻，别提多难看！这时，妈妈又来“开导”爸爸，说少喝养身，多喝伤身。爸爸最后又拍着胸口，吼着保证以后少喝酒！正好，爸爸的朋友们上门来请他去吃饭，妈妈手指他的酒糟鼻子，再次嘱咐他少喝酒。他边走边点头：“知道了，知道了！”可是宴后回到家里，他又成了“关公菩萨”，浑身吐得一塌糊涂！
"Drink,drink,drink",thehouseisfullofthesoundofwinefist,thesoundwaveishigherthanthenoiseofthevegetablemarket.Ifthereisanotherdrinkingcompetitionintheworld,tobehonest,myfatherisunknown.Andhisstrengthisreallyadmirable!Atthebanquet,peoplelistenedtohim.Hesaidthatatthebeginningofthestroke,noonedidn'tsay"good".It'slikehe'sthe"kingofwine"indrinking.Thenyouarewrong.Hevomitedfivecupsoffiveandeightofseven.WhatYouaskedmeifIhadanotherdrink.What'sthematterAh!It'sgastricjuice!Myfathercan'tdrinkclearly,butheinsistsonbeingbrave.Atlast,Igotabadnose.Don'tmentionhowuglyitis!Atthistime,mymothercameto"enlighten"myfather,sayingthatdrinkinglessisgoodforhealthanddrinkingmoreisbadforhealth.Dadfinallypattedhischestandroaredtomakesurethathewoulddrinkless!Atthesametime,myfather'sfriendscametoinvitehimtodinner.Mymotherpointedtohisnoseandtoldhimtodrinkless.Henoddedashewalked:"yes,yes!"Butwhenhecamebackhomeafterthefeast,hebecame"GuanGongBodhisattva"again,andhewasinamess!
半年过去了，我爸爸这两样“爱好”，仍保持着“良好记录”！
Halfayearlater,myfather'stwo"hobbies"stillkeepa"goodrecord"!