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“我患有脑瘫。我无时不刻不在颤抖，“这是梅逊·扎伊德（MaysoonZayid）振奋人心而又诙谐幽默的演讲的开场白。（的确，这个演讲很搞笑）”我就像夏奇拉遇到了穆罕默德阿里。”这位优雅机智的阿裔美国人将带领我们回顾她所曾做的一切：演员，单口喜剧家，慈善家，致力于维护残疾人利益的社会活动家。
"Ihavecerebralpalsy.Ishakeallthetime,"MaysoonZayidannouncesatthebeginningofthisexhilarating,hilarioustalk.(Really,it'shilarious.)"I'mlikeShakirameetsMuhammadAli."Withgraceandwit,theArab-Americancomediantakesusonawhistle-stoptourofheradventuresasanactress,stand-upcomic,philanthropistandadvocateforthedisabled.
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英文文稿
00:01
Hello,TEDWomen,what'sup.
00:02
(Cheering)
00:04
Notgoodenough.Hello,TEDWomen,whatisup
00:07
(Loudcheering)
00:09
MynameisMaysoonZayid,andIamnotdrunk,butthedoctorwhodeliveredmewas.Hecutmymomsixdifferenttimesinsixdifferentdirections,suffocatingpoorlittlemeintheprocess.Asaresult,Ihavecerebralpalsy,whichmeansIshakeallthetime.Look.It'sexhausting.I'mlikeShakira,ShakirameetsMuhammadAli.
00:39
(Laughter)
00:42
CPisnotgenetic.It'snotabirthdefect.Youcan'tcatchit.Nooneputacurseonmymother'suterus,andIdidn'tgetitbecausemyparentsarefirstcousins,whichtheyare.
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Itonlyhappensfromaccidents,likewhathappenedtomeonmybirthday.
01:04
Now,Imustwarnyou,I'mnotinspirational.
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AndIdon'twantanyoneinthisroomtofeelbadforme,becauseatsomepointinyourlife,youhavedreamtofbeingdisabled.Comeonajourneywithme.It'sChristmasEve,you'reatthemall,you'redrivingaroundincircleslookingforparking,andwhatdoyouseeSixteenemptyhandicappedspaces.
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Andyou'relike,"God,can'tIjustbealittledisabled"
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Also,I'vegottotellyou,I'vegot99problems,andpalsyisjustone.
01:48
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IftherewasanOppressionOlympics,Iwouldwinthegoldmedal.I'mPalestinian,Muslim,I'mfemale,I'mdisabled,andIliveinNewJersey.
02:01
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(Applause)
02:07
Ifyoudon'tfeelbetteraboutyourself,maybeyoushould.
02:10
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CliffsidePark,NewJerseyismyhometown.Ihavealwayslovedthefactthatmyhoodandmyafflictionsharethesameinitials.IalsolovethefactthatifIwantedtowalkfrommyhousetoNewYorkCity,Icould.
02:25
AlotofpeoplewithCPdon'twalk,butmyparentsdidn'tbelievein"can't."Myfather'smantrawas,"Youcandoit,yesyoucancan."
02:36
(Laughter)So,ifmythreeoldersistersweremopping,Iwasmopping.Ifmythreeoldersisterswenttopublicschool,myparentswouldsuetheschoolsystemandguaranteethatIwenttoo,andifwedidn'tallgetA's,weallgotmymother'sslipper.
02:55
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MyfathertaughtmehowtowalkwhenIwasfiveyearsoldbyplacingmyheelsonhisfeetandjustwalking.Anothertacticthatheusedishewoulddangleadollarbillinfrontofmeandhavemechaseit.
03:11
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Myinnerstripperwasverystrong.
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Yeah.No,bythefirstdayofkindergarten,Iwaswalkinglikeachampwhohadbeenpunchedonetoomanytimes.
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Growingup,therewereonlysixArabsinmytown,andtheywereallmyfamily.
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Nowthereare20Arabsintown,andtheyarestillallmyfamily.
03:36
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Idon'tthinkanyoneevennoticedweweren'tItalian.
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Thiswasbefore9/11andbeforepoliticiansthoughtitwasappropriatetouse"IhateMuslims"asacampaignslogan.ThepeoplethatIgrewupwithhadnoproblemwithmyfaith.Theydid,however,seemveryconcernedthatIwouldstarvetodeathduringRamadan.IwouldexplaintothemthatIhaveenoughfattoliveoffofforthreewholemonths,sofastingfromsunrisetosunsetisapieceofcake.
04:12
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Ihavetap-dancedonBroadway.Yeah,onBroadway.It'scrazy.
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Myparentscouldn'taffordphysicaltherapy,sotheysentmetodancingschool.Ilearnedhowtodanceinheels,whichmeansIcanwalkinheels.AndI'mfromJersey,andwearereallyconcernedwithbeingchic,soifmyfriendsworeheels,sodidI.
04:36
AndwhenmyfriendswentandspenttheirsummervacationsontheJerseyShore,Ididnot.Ispentmysummersinawarzone,becausemyparentswereafraidthatifwedidn'tgobacktoPalestineeverysinglesummer,we'dgrowuptobeMadonna.
04:52
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Summervacationsoftenconsistedofmyfathertryingtohealme,soIdrankdeer'smilk,Ihadhotcupsonmyback,IwasdunkedintheDeadSea,andIrememberthewaterburningmyeyesandthinking,"It'sworking!It'sworking!"
05:13
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Butonemiraclecurewedidfindwasyoga.Ihavetotellyou,it'sveryboring,butbeforeIdidyoga,Iwasastand-upcomedianwhocan'tstandup.AndnowIcanstandonmyhead.MyparentsreinforcedthisnotionthatIcoulddoanything,thatnodreamwasimpossible,andmydreamwastobeonthedaytimesoapopera"GeneralHospital."
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IwenttocollegeduringaffirmativeactionandgotasweetscholarshiptoASU,ArizonaStateUniversity,becauseIfiteverysinglequota.
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Iwaslikethepetlemurofthetheaterdepartment.Everybodylovedme.Ididalltheless-than-intelligentkids'homework,IgotA'sinallofmyclasses,A'sinalloftheirclasses.
06:09
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EverytimeIdidascenefrom"TheGlassMenagerie,"myprofessorswouldweep.ButInevergotcast.Finally,mysenioryear,ASUdecidedtodoashowcalled"TheyDanceRealSlowinJackson."It'saplayaboutagirlwithCP.IwasagirlwithCP.SoIstartshoutingfromtherooftops,"I'mfinallygoingtogetapart!Ihavecerebralpalsy!Freeatlast!Freeatlast!ThankGodalmighty,I'mfreeatlast!"Ididn'tgetthepart.
06:42
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SherryBrowngotthepart.Iwentracingtotheheadofthetheaterdepartmentcryinghysterically,likesomeoneshotmycat,toaskherwhy,andshesaiditwasbecausetheydidn'tthinkIcoulddothestunts.Isaid,"Excuseme,ifIcan'tdothestunts,neithercanthecharacter."
07:03
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ThiswasapartthatIwasliterallyborntoplaytheygaveittoanon-palsyactress.Collegewasimitatinglife.Hollywoodhasasordidhistoryofcastingable-bodiedactorstoplaydisabledonscreen.
07:30
Upongraduating,Imovedbackhome,andmyfirstactinggigwasasanextraonadaytimesoapopera.Mydreamwascomingtrue.AndIknewthatIwouldbepromotedfrom"DinerDiner"to"WackyBestFriend"innotime.
07:45
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Butinstead,Iremainedaglorifiedpieceoffurniturethatyoucouldonlyrecognizefromthebackofmyhead,anditbecamecleartomethatcastingdirectorsdidn'thirefluffy,ethnic,disabledactors.Theyonlyhiredperfectpeople.Buttherewereexceptionstotherule.IgrewupwatchingWhoopiGoldberg,RoseanneBarr,Ellen,andallofthesewomenhadonethingincommon:theywerecomedians.SoIbecameacomic.
08:13
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MyfirstgigwasdrivingfamouscomicsfromNewYorkCitytoshowsinNewJersey,andI'llneverforgetthefaceofthefirstcomicIeverdrovewhenherealizedthathewasspeedingdowntheNewJerseyTurnpikewithachickwithCPdrivinghim.
08:35
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I'veperformedinclubsalloverAmerica,andI'vealsoperformedinArabicintheMiddleEast,uncensoredanduncovered.
08:45
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SomepeoplesayI'mthefirststand-upcomicintheArabworld.Ineverliketoclaimfirst,butIdoknowthattheyneverheardthatnastylittlerumorthatwomenaren'tfunny,andtheyfindushysterical.
09:00
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In2003,mybrotherfromanothermotherandfatherDeanObeidallahandIstartedtheNewYorkArab-AmericanComedyFestival,nowinits10thyear.OurgoalwastochangethenegativeimageofArab-Americansinmedia,whilealsoremindingcastingdirectorsthatSouthAsianandArabarenotsynonymous.
09:25
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MainstreamingArabswasmuch,mucheasierthanconqueringthechallengeagainstthestigmaagainstdisability.
09:38
Mybigbreakcamein2010.Iwasinvitedtobeaguestonthecablenewsshow"CountdownwithKeithOlbermann."IwalkedinlookinglikeIwasgoingtotheprom,andtheyshufflemeintoastudioandseatmeonaspinning,rollingchair.
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SoIlookedatthestagemanagerandI'mlike,"Excuseme,canIhaveanotherchair"Andshelookedatmeandshewent,"Five,four,three,two..."Andwewerelive,rightSoIhadtogripontotheanchor'sdesksothatIwouldn'trolloffthescreenduringthesegment,andwhentheinterviewwasover,Iwaslivid.IhadfinallygottenmychanceandIblewit,andIknewIwouldnevergetinvitedback.ButnotonlydidMr.Olbermanninvitemeback,hemademeafull-timecontributor,andhetapeddownmychair.
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OnefunfactIlearnedwhileontheairwithKeithOlbermannwasthathumansontheInternetarescumbags.
10:44
(Laughter)Peoplesaychildrenarecruel,butIwasnevermadefunofasachildoranadult.Suddenly,mydisabilityontheworldwidewebisfairgame.Iwouldlookatclipsonlineandseecommentslike,"Yo,why'sshetweakin'""Yo,issheretarded"Andmyfavorite,"PoorGumby-mouthterrorist.WhatdoesshesufferfromWeshouldreallyprayforher."OnecommenterevensuggestedthatIaddmydisabilitytomycredits:screenwriter,comedian,palsy.
11:21
Disabilityisasvisualasrace.Ifawheelchairusercan'tplayBeyoncé,thenBeyoncécan'tplayawheelchairuser.Thedisabledarethelargest—Yeah,clapforthat,man.Comeon.
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Peoplewithdisabilitiesarethelargestminorityintheworld,andwearethemostunderrepresentedinentertainment.
11:47
ThedoctorssaidthatIwouldn'twalk,butIamhereinfrontofyou.However,ifIgrewupwithsocialmedia,Idon'tthinkIwouldbe.Ihopethattogether,wecancreatemorepositiveimagesofdisabilityinthemediaandineverydaylife.Perhapsifthereweremorepositiveimages,itwouldfosterlesshateontheInternet.Ormaybenot.Maybeitstilltakesavillagetoteachourchildrenwell.
12:16
Mycrookedjourneyhastakenmetosomeveryspectacularplaces.IgottowalktheredcarpetflankedbysoapdivaSusanLucciandtheiconicLoreenArbus.IgottoactinamoviewithAdamSandlerandworkwithmyidol,theamazingDaveMatthews.ItouredtheworldasaheadlineronArabsGoneWild.IwasadelegaterepresentingthegreatstateofNewJerseyatthe2008DNC.AndIfoundedMaysoon'sKids,acharitythathopestogivePalestinianrefugeechildrenasliverofthechancemyparentsgaveme.ButtheonemomentthatstandsoutthemostwaswhenIgot--beforethismoment--
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ButtheonemomentthatstandsoutthemostwaswhenIgottoperformforthemanwhofloatslikeabutterflyandstingslikeabee,hasParkinson'sandshakesjustlikeme,MuhammadAli.
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(Applauseends)
13:31
Itwastheonlytimethatmyfathereversawmeperformlive,andIdedicatethistalktohismemory.