Wewould–ofcourse–wanttogetridofthisthingforeverandheavenknowswewillhavetried.We’llhavegoneoncourses,readbooks,hiredpsychiatristsandpsychotherapists,takenmedicines.Andthroughthis,wewouldhaveveeredbetweendespairandhopethatwemighteventuallybeabletoachieveavictoryoverourmonsters.
Butthemoretimepasses,themorewehavetotakeonboardableaker,unavoidablereality:thisthingishereforthelongterm.Intheonelifewe’lleverhave,thisisus.We’llneverberidofthebugs.Wehaveachronicconditionofthemind,notanillness.
SohowcanwesurvivethisostensiblyextremelydispiritingrealisationArangeofthoughtscometomind.
Firstandforemost,weneedacertainmindset,onecombiningintensedosesofpessimismwithbleakhumourandthemosttendercompassion.Weneveraskedforthis,wedidn’tdoanythingespeciallywrong,it’snotasignofasinfulnature.Wecanspeculateatlengthaboutwhereitcomesfrom:anemotionalinheritance,abiologicalcondition,theoutcomeofcertainchoiceswe’vemade…Itwillbeadistinctivemixtureofalloftheseand,inthegranderschemes,itmaynotreallymatter.Thetaskisultimatelyjusttoacceptthatthisisthefightofourlives.
Againstableakpicture,weneedtoredrawourhorizonsandexpectations.We’renevergoingtosolvethewholeproblem,thereforeweneedtobeabletoparticularlycelebratewhenthingsaren’tespeciallyawful;whenwehaveagooddayortwo.Weknow–bynow–thattheproblemsarealwaysgoingtoreturn,whichiswhywehavenooptionbuttodrawmaximalsatisfactionwhen,everynowandthen,wegothroughasteadyandcoherentpassage.Weneedtobecomethesortofpeoplewhocansay,withoutironyorbitterness,Wednesdaywentwellandthat’saseriousaccomplishment.Otherpeopleclimbmountainsforachallenge,orgoracingaroundamotortrackat200milesanhour;ourextremesportisthechallengeofstayingalive.
Wedon’twanttobejudgemental,butalotofpeople,perhapsmostpeople,arereallynotgoingtobeveryhelpfultous.Theymayhavethesweetestdispositionsandinterestinglives,butinessence,they’llneverbeabletounderstandus(toputitmoreaccurately,theircircumstancesmeanthey’llneverfeelaneedtounderstandourmindsandgoodforthem,wewouldbethesameifwewereanyluckier)andtheirexperienceswillalwaysfeelremoteandalienasaresult.Weneedtoseekoutpeoplewhoeitherknowtheconditionfromtheinsideor–becauseofsomefortuitousbendintheirminds–feelsomehowinstinctivelyclosetoitanyway.Weneedpeoplewhocanletusdespairbutalsoknowhowtoencourageustolaugh;peoplewhowon’taccuseusofmalingering,ormakingamealoutofnothing;whowon’tlookwide-eyedandfullofjudgementaswedetailwhatwehavebeenuptoandsomeofthewildestthoughtsthatcoursethroughusintheearlyhours.Weneed–morethanmost–alotoflove.Andyet(ofcourse)we’llbeunusuallyineptatfindingit,asdamagedpeopleare.
Weneedtoremainatalltimesvigilant,knowinghowsusceptibleweare.Oneoftheenemieswehavetodealwithisourownsuddenassumptionsthatwemight,afterall,bewellagain.Soweneedtobealwaysonourguardastothelikelihoodofarelapse.Weshouldformulateplansbutholdontothemverylightly.Weshouldrealisethelinkbetweenbusy-nessandmaniaandtakeextrememeasurestolivesoberly.Weshouldacknowledge,andfullyhonour,thedifferencesbetweenourselvesandothermorerobustpeople.